I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
