She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize