well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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