Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
