based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
