I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
