The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
