Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
