No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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