i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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