Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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