i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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