She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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