I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
