how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
