He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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