yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
