even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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