My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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