I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we're making bets on your personal life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
