I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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