i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
