if only i could text you this smell
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
