He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
