So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
