wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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