she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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