He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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