and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
