Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
