The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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