I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize