If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize