That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
