Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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