is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
