I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
