I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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