I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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