he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
