I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
