this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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