There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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