It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
