I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize