conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
