I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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