I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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