The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
