Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
