His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
