just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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