It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
