Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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