we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize