HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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