there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
