No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
