worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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