thus making me awesome and them whores
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
