i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
