dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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