I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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