i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
