I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
