i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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