Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
