I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
