Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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