I will die if light touches me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
