ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
