I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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