she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
