Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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