There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
