toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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