Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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